Hidden benefits and comparisons as obstacles in healing
I would like to share with you two of the significant obstacles that were blocking my healing and that I need to keep reminding myself to pay attention to and that also often appear as challenges for a significant percentage of the women I work with. Hidden benefits and comparisons. Many years ago I was “at one of the peaks” (had many, a stubborn one I was) of what felt like falling apart physically and emotionally. My body was saying no to the direction I was heading and I didn’t know how to re-direct. At that time I wasn’t even aware direction was the core issue (most difficult is to see self, isn’t it?), so I went looking for help to heal my body. Western, Eastern, modern or traditional, from whatever part of the planet it hailed or how new or old the advice, treatment or whatnot was - it didn’t work or if it worked for relieving one symptom it made the other more prominent. Vicious circle. Not much was changing for years until I dig deeper into what had developed in that process.
Hidden benefits are those that you may not even be aware of at the time. For me, benefits of staying in the same situation were many but most prominent were learning more about ailments, diseases, therapies, mindfulness etc. which was my interest since childhood as I wanted to “find the way to save the world from suffering”. It is a long story, so I’ll just mention that at that time it was an unhealthy (for myself and others) obsession. Comparisons. You can imagine I read everything I could lay my hands on and all the stories of “mind transforming matter” and other people healing this or that way often left me feeling disappointed at myself, frustrated and hurt; “…what is wrong with me, I am doing everything they had / I’m supposed to and nothing is happening, I’m no longer in God’s grace…” etc., etc. It took me years to sort all those (again, I was stubborn, remember - and ridden with embedded guilt patterns), to break free of limiting beliefs, change the stories I believed and lived and to start clearing my own (act) path and deciding on my own direction. So, what I want to share with you today is nothing new but a reminder for myself. It is not and advice, it is a song that sings deep in my heart. Don’t use it as a suggestion if it doesn’t resonate with you. If it does, give yourself permission to feel free to explore… your own truth that sings in your heart. Hidden Benefits Look deep into the idea of hidden benefits. Work on that with someone you trust to help you uncover and change them - someone with whom you can be deeply honest, someone you can get angry with (that is the stage when resistance becomes huge and anger at the person helping you often appears) and still continue on you liberation. Face your deepest fears. Be patient and compassionate - with yourself. Surround yourself with people who will encourage you to resolve the challenge, nudge you to persevere and not, no matter how well-meaning and good-hearted they are, keep reminding you on your limiting state (they are so many ways it is done, unintentionally). Comparisons Everyone is unique. Yes, the old saying. And everyone changes. Everyone? All the time? Well... You have your own path of healing, working, contributing, creating, your own way of living - in the current, present time. When it comes to healing I would encourage anyone to read someone else’s stories of healing (Anita’s book is first at my recommendation list for many of my clients) or Tony Robbins' on success in various fields of life yet... Take it all as an inspiration, a fuel to keep the hopes up, reminders on possibilities, and be aware of comparisons. Even of those when you compare yourself to who you used to be or how you used to do things. As it is true that you are unique, you also change. What used to fit you, now does not. What do I mean by the expressions "unique" and "change"? Your body, your emotional world, the way you process thoughts, your background and most importantly your authentic soul urge is unique but you also change, grow transform in your experiences, your needs and your perception of reality. Read. Get inspired. Talk. Ask for support. Nourish hope. When you are hopeful and determined you’ll find what works for you and it may not be what you expected it to be. Believe in yourself and your uniqueness and ability to change. What if it takes to redefine the meanings of “purpose”, "unconditional love", “healing”, "travel", “energy”, "home", "money", "success", “joy”, "freedom", "expression" etc? Would you dare to feel so free to explore and make new ones and then change them again if you want to? Decide to live life fully. Be excited to get to know your depths and widths and wits, no matter the current circumstances. …and… remind yourself to relax… While you are doing everything you can to get better and make changes in habits that no longer suit you, to find new sense of "home", to stand and be stable on your own two feet (physically and emotionally), to improve your finances or whatever challenge you are facing - practice relaxation to allow the body’s innate capacity to heal do its bit and to calm your mind so a life changing insight might sneak in... ;) To your continuous expansion!